LORD, Your Grace Amazes Me

In the words of Phillips, Craig and Dean,
Your grace still amazes me,
Your love still a mystery,
Each day , I fall on my knees,
Your grace still amazes me"

During a sung worship session in between the chemo cycles.

Those words express my deepest sentiments and those of one of my friends ( Sheila wa Tele), I am testifying on your behalf :-)

For many years people have told me that I am strong and especially in the last two weeks after the second post. I have been thinking about that ; I acknowledge that the LORD has given me inner strength. So, I can only boast in what He has done.

It is God's grace that has kept me joyful in the difficult times, it is his grace that kept me sane during chemo sessions when I was experiencing pain from my scalp to my soles, it is his grace that has kept me at peace when the bills have been so high and the dimes so low. Yes, it has been his grace.

This was a difficult week, had to get a document from a government office to enable me to continue with treatment, after going to this office for a week since last week, by Thursday I was tired and frustrated. When I was asked to go back to that office on Tuesday this week, I was certain anger would get the best of me. I quickly made a prayer and asked God to help me. I had to submit some documents for the 3rd time, each time in a different format and as I walked out to get them, i was literally balancing tears. Half an hour later, I only had one prayer, "LORD, help me out, provide a way for me to submit the documents before the office closes in half an hour", and He helped. So, God willing,I will undergo treatment this week.

The grace of God is what has enabled me to have the strength to hope and believe that all will be well.  Today I was leading worship at a certain Church and that is a privilege God has given me that keeps me psyched about life. As I was singing one of the songs I was so aware of the things that the LORD does that bring us joy in the midst of difficult circumstances.

So, for any one going through a difficult time today, I pray that God will reveal to you His grace. It is a gift He gives freely, receive it. His grace does not always say I am getting you out of this situation now, but it says,however long this might take, be sure I am with you and will help you through.

" She heard some tragic news,

some with conflicting views,

Tears and unspoken fears.

But each time she raised a song,

Today, I heard her sing

I'm resting in your grace,

For sufficient it always is.

LORD, I'm resting in your grace.

Those who know her always say

You are strong,

She knows they are wrong

And says, " it has been his grace''

Today she is telling the world

I'm resting in his grace,

For sufficient it always is.

LORD, I'm resting in your grace.

Your grace says, 

"I am with You

Be not afraid.

The best is yet to come

So rest in my grace"

God is good...All the time

God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. 

I am certain that a number of you reading this post are familiar with this call and response. But, is it possible to wonder whether He is good all the time?
Yes it is, I have been there and done that.

Someone asked me if this phase of  my life is the greatest faith challenge I have had to deal with so far, I am delighted to let you all know that it is not.

Yesterday was 6 years since my younger brother passed on, that memory is still so fresh as if it happened yesterday. They say time heals all wounds, I beg to differ, it is not time, God heals all wounds. After the passing on of a loved one, there is an emptiness and pain that time can't and won't heal, for me it hasn't. I feel that God comforts us and allows us to remember our loved ones and not feel like our heart is being ripped apart.

6 years ago on that morning, I received the call about my brother being involved in an accident and was in hospital. As always, a song played in my mind
" Jehovah is your name, Jehovah is your name;
mighty warrior , great in battle.
Jehovah is your name"

I  made hastily said the most earnest prayer I have ever made, LORD, please preserve the life of my brother. We met at the hospital and got to talk to my bro. We quickly transferred him to another hospital and he died 5 minutes before arriving at the hospital. I continued to sing the song even after receiving the news. During that week as we prepared for the burial I can assure you I sung many songs.  Anyone that knows me will tell you I cry a lot and laugh heartily. That week when my brother, my closest friend died, I didn't cry. I chose to plan his funeral.

Little did I know that something in me also died, I felt God did not heed to my prayer and for about a year or more, I led worship but told Him I would never ask for anything since He does as He pleases anyway. Oh, the LORD is kind and gracious, He journeyed with me over time and helped me see his goodness even in the midst of my pain. Not that I have answers to why Kevin( my brother) died at a tender age of 23 and I have settled with my heart that some answers I will not have while on this side of the river and maybe when I finally meet Him, they won't even matter.

So when I received the diagnosis I did not and have not had the question ,why me or doubted His goodness. I am going through this with an unwavering confidence in God's goodness. I have come to the conclusion that the greatest miracle is not the doctors declaring me cancer free but my faith in the LORD remaining intact and growing. A wise lady told me that God's desire is that the three eternal virtues may remain; faith, hope and love.

Today if you are reading this and your heart is aching over the loss of a loved one, I pray that the LORD will comfort and heal you. He can deal with the pain if you hand it over to Him.
For you who maybe received a cancer diagnosis today or any heartbreaking news, I pray that you will experience God's goodness in the midst of your pain. keep your eyes on Jesus, He gives grace for each day ( that has become my motto for each day).

God's goodness is not determined by what is happening around me; it is His nature. HE IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!

This little girl says it all...

Blessings to you!