LORD, Your Grace Amazes Me

In the words of Phillips, Craig and Dean,
Your grace still amazes me,
Your love still a mystery,
Each day , I fall on my knees,
Your grace still amazes me"

During a sung worship session in between the chemo cycles.

Those words express my deepest sentiments and those of one of my friends ( Sheila wa Tele), I am testifying on your behalf :-)

For many years people have told me that I am strong and especially in the last two weeks after the second post. I have been thinking about that ; I acknowledge that the LORD has given me inner strength. So, I can only boast in what He has done.

It is God's grace that has kept me joyful in the difficult times, it is his grace that kept me sane during chemo sessions when I was experiencing pain from my scalp to my soles, it is his grace that has kept me at peace when the bills have been so high and the dimes so low. Yes, it has been his grace.

This was a difficult week, had to get a document from a government office to enable me to continue with treatment, after going to this office for a week since last week, by Thursday I was tired and frustrated. When I was asked to go back to that office on Tuesday this week, I was certain anger would get the best of me. I quickly made a prayer and asked God to help me. I had to submit some documents for the 3rd time, each time in a different format and as I walked out to get them, i was literally balancing tears. Half an hour later, I only had one prayer, "LORD, help me out, provide a way for me to submit the documents before the office closes in half an hour", and He helped. So, God willing,I will undergo treatment this week.

The grace of God is what has enabled me to have the strength to hope and believe that all will be well.  Today I was leading worship at a certain Church and that is a privilege God has given me that keeps me psyched about life. As I was singing one of the songs I was so aware of the things that the LORD does that bring us joy in the midst of difficult circumstances.

So, for any one going through a difficult time today, I pray that God will reveal to you His grace. It is a gift He gives freely, receive it. His grace does not always say I am getting you out of this situation now, but it says,however long this might take, be sure I am with you and will help you through.

" She heard some tragic news,

some with conflicting views,

Tears and unspoken fears.

But each time she raised a song,

Today, I heard her sing

I'm resting in your grace,

For sufficient it always is.

LORD, I'm resting in your grace.

Those who know her always say

You are strong,

She knows they are wrong

And says, " it has been his grace''

Today she is telling the world

I'm resting in his grace,

For sufficient it always is.

LORD, I'm resting in your grace.

Your grace says, 

"I am with You

Be not afraid.

The best is yet to come

So rest in my grace"

God is good...All the time

God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good. 

I am certain that a number of you reading this post are familiar with this call and response. But, is it possible to wonder whether He is good all the time?
Yes it is, I have been there and done that.

Someone asked me if this phase of  my life is the greatest faith challenge I have had to deal with so far, I am delighted to let you all know that it is not.

Yesterday was 6 years since my younger brother passed on, that memory is still so fresh as if it happened yesterday. They say time heals all wounds, I beg to differ, it is not time, God heals all wounds. After the passing on of a loved one, there is an emptiness and pain that time can't and won't heal, for me it hasn't. I feel that God comforts us and allows us to remember our loved ones and not feel like our heart is being ripped apart.

6 years ago on that morning, I received the call about my brother being involved in an accident and was in hospital. As always, a song played in my mind
" Jehovah is your name, Jehovah is your name;
mighty warrior , great in battle.
Jehovah is your name"

I  made hastily said the most earnest prayer I have ever made, LORD, please preserve the life of my brother. We met at the hospital and got to talk to my bro. We quickly transferred him to another hospital and he died 5 minutes before arriving at the hospital. I continued to sing the song even after receiving the news. During that week as we prepared for the burial I can assure you I sung many songs.  Anyone that knows me will tell you I cry a lot and laugh heartily. That week when my brother, my closest friend died, I didn't cry. I chose to plan his funeral.

Little did I know that something in me also died, I felt God did not heed to my prayer and for about a year or more, I led worship but told Him I would never ask for anything since He does as He pleases anyway. Oh, the LORD is kind and gracious, He journeyed with me over time and helped me see his goodness even in the midst of my pain. Not that I have answers to why Kevin( my brother) died at a tender age of 23 and I have settled with my heart that some answers I will not have while on this side of the river and maybe when I finally meet Him, they won't even matter.

So when I received the diagnosis I did not and have not had the question ,why me or doubted His goodness. I am going through this with an unwavering confidence in God's goodness. I have come to the conclusion that the greatest miracle is not the doctors declaring me cancer free but my faith in the LORD remaining intact and growing. A wise lady told me that God's desire is that the three eternal virtues may remain; faith, hope and love.

Today if you are reading this and your heart is aching over the loss of a loved one, I pray that the LORD will comfort and heal you. He can deal with the pain if you hand it over to Him.
For you who maybe received a cancer diagnosis today or any heartbreaking news, I pray that you will experience God's goodness in the midst of your pain. keep your eyes on Jesus, He gives grace for each day ( that has become my motto for each day).

God's goodness is not determined by what is happening around me; it is His nature. HE IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!!

This little girl says it all...

Blessings to you!

Thank You JESUS

Psalm 107:1, 8
" Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.
Let them praise the Lord for his great love
    and for the wonderful things he has done for them.

I am overwhelmed by the responses on the previous posts. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and the prayers. May God bless you exceedingly.  I know that God hears and answers prayer.

This Kenyan girl in India is thinking about an American holiday; I certainly do not want to miss an opportunity to give thanks to the LORD. My list of reasons  why I am thankful today is endless. 

What David says in Psalm 40:5, resonates with my heart
"O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
    Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
    You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
    I would never come to the end of them."
That is so true. So my list today is just a glimpse of the wonderful deeds He has done.

• He has blessed me with family. The Kamatu's, Wandungi's & Kimani's, I count you twice a blessing.
• He paid the price for me by shedding his blood and made me a member of his family, I AM A PART OF THE BODY OF CHRIST.  I am born twice :-)
• He has given me friends, wonderful friends
• I woke up this morning ,managed to bend and do the laundry.
• He walks with me, journeys through life with me
• I have peace and joy
• I have not lost my mind
• He speaks to me, Creator of the universe has time for me!
• He has provided for my every need.
• He gives me a song for every season and fills my mouth with laughter.

On this Thanksgiving, I am counting my blessings and saying "Thank you Jesus"

No matter what life has brought your way, there is something to give thanks for. Look for it and give thanks.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!

Part Two

Great is thy faithfulness LORD unto me

That is the anthem of my heart. God has been faithful to me. Besides his faithfulness, I have known his grace and mercy in the journey.

After the diagnosis, I had to go though a number of tests to check if the disease had spread to other parts of the body. By God's grace it had not and on Feb 21st I was admitted at M.P. Shah for surgery.

Feb 22, 2013 at 16:45hrs
I was taken to the theater for the surgical procedure. After 6 hrs, I was wheeled back to the ward, half a liver and gall bladder gone. According to the doctor it was a very difficult surgery and he was glad people were praying. I am thankful that the LORD heard the prayers and preserved me.

On my birthday, Feb 24

God lavished me with his love through his people. I had a minimum of 20 visitors per day, many texts and calls. Had an eventful week( details in another post), the  Psalms and "Hope through the night" ( music and scriptures played by Hope FM at night), offered much comfort during the nights.

March 1, 2013
I was discharged and advised to take 30 days of bed rest; anyone that knows me is certain that that felt like being imprisoned. God had it all planned out, I had my nephew to entertain me, visitors, the Bible to study and a lot of free time to just commune with Him. That was refreshing. Sunday mornings I was restless, I just wanted to go to church. Since that could not happen, God ensured that within an hour or less after the Services, I had his children visiting me.
On 31st March, there was a worship experience at church in the afternoon, I attended. I can never thank God enough for strengthening me to attend it. It is a privilege to worship the LORD and to be in the gathering of His body ( it might feel like I am being too emotional about Church, yes I am). After being away for 5 Sundays for the first time ever in my life ( since I started attending Church). That day was profound for me.

I am in awe of God's goodness towards me

May 1st - 12th
I was accompanied by my aunt to India for a review and at that point I was told there was no residue of the disease but I needed to keep going for check ups.
The story changed when I went for the regular check up while in Kenya in August and they found 4 tiny lesions had developed in the right lobe of the liver.

September 2013- March 4th 2014

I was in India for further review and subsequently 6 sessions of Chemotherapy to deal with 9 lesions at that point. This span of time requires another post, it shall be done soon.
I experienced a season amazing grace, provision, love, care and support. One thing I had asked from the LORD was an assurance that He was with me.
Before you start wondering if I am normal, I am. I was afraid of going through chemo, tensed about the cost as I had already had an earlier fundraiser to cover for the surgery and I did not feel like I should ask people to give anymore towards that. I am so grateful for the generosity of my family,friends, the leadership and body of Christ at Karura Community Chapel as money was raised to take care of the bills.
I lacked nothing during the season.

June 2014- Aug 4th 2014
I was back to India to undergo a specialized type of chemo to deal with 5 lesions that had not been cleared by chemo. Once again, the LORD provided for me through the giving of his children.

We  are in November and as I write this post, I am in India. I came for review and the results showed that another lesion has developed and one of those that were there has enlarged. I am preparing to undergo a specialized type of radiation. I am not sure for how long I will be here but I am certain the LORD is watching over me.

This is certainly a long post and it might feel like it has had a lot of drama for lack of a better word. The back and forth with the doctors and across the continents  has not been easy but GOD has sustained me by his grace. I can assure you, it is sufficient.

Today I ask that you pray for & with me, give thanks that the disease has not spread to the rest of the body. It is the LORD that has contained it.
He is able to speak a word and this matter gets settled and He can use the doctors to treat. Whichever He would choose to use, I am resting in his unfailing love.





Blessings to you!

Part One

 As 2012 came to an end, I was so thankful it was over, it had felt like a very long year but certainly better the past 5. I was looking forward to 2013, I had plans , great plans actually. I was in high spirits and nothing could dampen that.

Jan 1, 2013

At the prayer meeting at CITAM Valley Road to usher in the new year; I received a promise card. Psalm 23:4b " Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." I looked at the card and smiled to myself and asked the LORD what the year would bring, then shrugged my shoulders and told myself that whatever it would bring the LORD would be with me. All would well.

Jan 26, 2013

Conversations with my dad, mum and best friend on how tired I looked, the lack of appetite due to nausea (which I was so quick to say was because of acidity), led me to the hospital. A simple ultra sound, then admission for further tests and consequently a biopsy. By now, you can tell it was a quick turn of events, for me, it seemed normal, until Feb 1st came.

Feb 1st, 2013

The appointment with the doctor was at 2:30pm but I was at the lounge by 1:45pm as the doctor usually comes in at 1:30pm and sees his clients on first come first served basis. I walked in with the usual smile, the doctor looked up and smiled back and said " welcome Naomi, how are you today? please have a seat" , then he sighed. " The biopsy report is in and it does not look good, there are two lesions in the liver, one is benign and the other is malignant". I love the way the LORD wired me, He knew what I needed to go through life; in such circumstances songs play in my mind and that day the song " Still by Hillsong" played. 

  "When the oceans rise and thunders roar, 

 I will soar with you above the storms,

Father you are King over the floods,

I will be still and know you are God"

So I smiled and said to the doctor,'' this is just a cloud, it will pass". In short, I was diagnosed with liver cancer ( that is what I understood then), a year later I know it's cancer of the bile duct ( Cholangio Carcinoma).

Life has a way of throwing us off balance, but this I know, JESUS is a steadfast anchor.

This is my 2nd attempt  to share  the journey of my life since this report. I am abounding in peace and joy, my heart is at rest. 

Your comments, questions and prayers are most welcome are most welcome as I take my baby steps in this journey (blogging) :-) 

God bless you!